Weird but ok

What would you do if you lost everything?

Last Saturday morning ( 8.10am to be precise) I awoke from my half-conscious daze to melodic hum of our fire alarm. Cooked breakfast? At this time?! Then I saw the smoke filtering out from Susie's bedroom. Jumping up, I raced into the adjoining bedroom to see a small blaze in the middle of the room.
"Susie?!"
No answer.
I raced down the stairs screaming at my housemates to get up. Grabbing the fire extinguisher I prayed frantically that I'd be able to use it, reading the instructions as I ran.
What if she dies?
God, please help me use it!
The smoke engulfed me as I ran back into the attic. Breathing in the fumes I noticed that Susie's bed was empty. Discarding the extinguisher I legged it!
At the front door I found my housemates, including Susie - in her bath towel. I promptly burst into tears.

What followed next was four fire engines, drinking cups of tea in borrowed clothes, an ambulance and many good friends who raced round to be moral support.
Sus and I lost everything, our rooms were gutted out. But we were alive.

One week on and things feel strange. I'm in student halls, surrounded by new but unfamiliar possessions. My friends and family have been amazing. I've never felt so much love and support as I did in those first few days after the fire. I love them so much. My faith in God also grew. I can totally notice him looking out for me, in the big and the small.

Tonight is the first time I've felt lonely. The reality of what has happened is slowly beginning to sink in. A hug would be nice. God gives me security and hope, but I wish sometimes he would appear in my room and hug me. I'm being quite positive throughout this and am feelin happy most of the time. Hopefully this will remain and won't become an echo of the last few months in 2003. I went through a particularly hard time which ended in talking to myself, telling me that everything would be ok and I'd get through it. No one else really told me that. It was pretty lonely.

I think I come across as quite a confident, happy, strong person. The truth is I'm weak. But that's where I find my strength. sometimes I want someone to give me a hug and tell me that everything will be ok. That's what I'm looking forward to most in heaven :)

Life is weird right now but in some ways I'm glad it's happened. It's stuff like this that shapes you, and to be honest I feel that I've gained more than I've lost.

Teach - mon 7th march

Today was, in fact, a tiny bit of a nightmare. I turned up at School ( a place I actually love - constantly amused by questions such as 'miss, are you pregnant?! hoho) to teach my usual lessons. Unfortunately was feelin quite exhausted to start with (the several chocci bars eaten before hand probably not helping there!) and the kids....well......weren't.

The poor teacher spent 20 minutes quieting the class before he could actually start the lesson. The lesson itself was presented to a class of kids who walked around, discuse playboy and the fact that Chris's (no idea who he is either) girlfriend was pregnant and generally cheeked the teacher. Then came my turn.

If I'm honest, I love troublesome teenagers. Can't help it. Whilst my friends coo over babies, I get broody over miss behaving thirteen year olds. I know, it's not normal. The school is generally streed at the mo due to the up and coming ofsted inspection. Anyway, I began the lesson on data and frequency charts to a (relatively) quiet class. This didn't last long.
Was almost reduced to tears by one young man who refused to turn around and face the board contantly remarking: "UUhhhh!! I can hear you , I don't have to see you as well!!"
However, there were some highlights. I managed to get several members of the class to copy down the info on the board into their notebooks. May not sound like much but some kids in this class literally just sit there during the lessons and do zero work. To be honest, although very distracted, I don't think they're bad kids. Most respond well to encouragement, which I try to give them at every opportunity.

I was quite relieved to leave at the end of the day. Exhausted. :)