Weird but ok

What would you do if you lost everything?

Last Saturday morning ( 8.10am to be precise) I awoke from my half-conscious daze to melodic hum of our fire alarm. Cooked breakfast? At this time?! Then I saw the smoke filtering out from Susie's bedroom. Jumping up, I raced into the adjoining bedroom to see a small blaze in the middle of the room.
"Susie?!"
No answer.
I raced down the stairs screaming at my housemates to get up. Grabbing the fire extinguisher I prayed frantically that I'd be able to use it, reading the instructions as I ran.
What if she dies?
God, please help me use it!
The smoke engulfed me as I ran back into the attic. Breathing in the fumes I noticed that Susie's bed was empty. Discarding the extinguisher I legged it!
At the front door I found my housemates, including Susie - in her bath towel. I promptly burst into tears.

What followed next was four fire engines, drinking cups of tea in borrowed clothes, an ambulance and many good friends who raced round to be moral support.
Sus and I lost everything, our rooms were gutted out. But we were alive.

One week on and things feel strange. I'm in student halls, surrounded by new but unfamiliar possessions. My friends and family have been amazing. I've never felt so much love and support as I did in those first few days after the fire. I love them so much. My faith in God also grew. I can totally notice him looking out for me, in the big and the small.

Tonight is the first time I've felt lonely. The reality of what has happened is slowly beginning to sink in. A hug would be nice. God gives me security and hope, but I wish sometimes he would appear in my room and hug me. I'm being quite positive throughout this and am feelin happy most of the time. Hopefully this will remain and won't become an echo of the last few months in 2003. I went through a particularly hard time which ended in talking to myself, telling me that everything would be ok and I'd get through it. No one else really told me that. It was pretty lonely.

I think I come across as quite a confident, happy, strong person. The truth is I'm weak. But that's where I find my strength. sometimes I want someone to give me a hug and tell me that everything will be ok. That's what I'm looking forward to most in heaven :)

Life is weird right now but in some ways I'm glad it's happened. It's stuff like this that shapes you, and to be honest I feel that I've gained more than I've lost.